she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
