i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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