a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize