We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
