I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
