Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
