i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
