If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
