Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
