Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
