Umm I'm too high to move.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
