is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
