We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
