I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
