you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
