whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
