we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
