Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
