thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
