girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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