I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
