Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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