...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
