Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
