I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
