i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
