it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
