Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
