it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
