To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
