Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
