Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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