I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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