I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
