hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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