Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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