My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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