Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
