and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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