so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We were destined to go to rehab together
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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