I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
