So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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