I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
