so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
