My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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