You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
