Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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