So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I want a musical about memes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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