I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
