I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
