I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
