she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
