sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
