I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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