Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
