foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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