He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
