Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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