Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize