bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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