Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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