I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
