He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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