One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
