Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
