do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
