Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
