okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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